(seen at the reality-now weblog)

Maintaining security. The striving to maintain this is something that stops me from doing more things than I can think of. It imprisons me in more ways than anything else I believe. It keeps me doing things that bring no life to me. And stirs up fear and doubt on a regular basis. In my life, nothing has paralyzed me more than the perceived need to maintain security. And yet, the whole world shouts at us to have it before we try anything else. The moment we have a desire to do or not do a certain thing, we are hit with the question "What if.....?" (i.e. What if you ran out of money? What if your lost your job? What if you got into a car accident? What if you got cancer? What if they reject you?) We are always encouraged to make sure we have a safety net before we do anything. To not do so would be dangerous. I have a feeling that many people, including myself, spend most of their life seeking to keep themselves as secure as possible. And spend a lot of time doing so always a bit fearful that if they don't, something bad will happen to them. The problem is the "what ifs" never end. No matter what I do, there is always a "what if" to stir up fear in me, to cause me to hesitate, to not follow through with what is on my heart. Most people will tell me that this is just being responsible and using my God-given mind. Yet, if this is so good, why is its main instrument fear and doubt? How is it that something so "good" and so "responsible" speaks such death to me? Maintaining security has become a law unto me.