Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Recalling Things Forgotten

[noted at Being a Disciple]

Remembering seems to me to be a part of life that makes up who we are and gives us our story.

Due to long-term trauma, my event memory and short-term memory are quite damaged. Last night my healing partner presented me with a book he had made....It includes things I cannot recollect freely, things lost to my memory. Now I have a book to look at and remember.{the full post here}

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

The Long and Short

The reason why some people no longer appear to be in that angsty/unsure/anxious state is not because they have discovered the ultimate position and destination in their life -- it's just that they have given up trying.

That sounds like such a simple statement, but I really think there's some truth to it. Our world today is so wrapped up in having "the answers" that we're often afraid to stay in the asking questions mode. I mean, haven't you wished to have the formula or solution to all problems in your life?

Which brings me back to where I am, now. So much ahead of me is uncertain. I've got all sorts of questions about my destiny, along with many fears. But instead of lamenting the fact that I have all these questions, I want to embrace them and see where they lead me. Life isn't a multiple choice exam, it's one full of long and short answers. {from this post by grrrl meets world}


If purification by self-denial has set you free, then you are NOT free indeed. If avoidance of real life has set you free, then you are NOT free indeed. The radicals in Iraq want to be free of all the guilt of the infidels, of which the US is the chief sinner. Yet, in their struggle for such freedom they impose slavery upon so many people who do not hold to their beliefs. When an outside institution or set of rules seeks to define your freedom you are never free. But when freedom is the chief end, then you have a chance to be free. Free to make mistakes. Free to learn from your mistakes. Free to see the uselessness of so many things you thought were so important, but were only vain glory. We must be set free to see what really matters. As long as we are kept from those things we see as so important thay will always become idols. We must be free to embrace them...
-- from Praying Mantis, Monday Sept. 27/04

Monday, September 27, 2004

A Remnant?

[comic noted by The Eagle and Child]

I still believe there is a seed or remnant of faith still inside me somewhere. Yet there is a lot of religion and false belief that I wish to forever discard. How do I distinguish between the two? There's so much about church that I despise and find ridiculous and useless and distracting from Jesus' true message. Maybe I want to see something genuine actually happen. But maybe I'm still so jaded and cynical that I'd be blind to it anyway. [from this post at ~scottyd~]

Listen to the fearful warnings of one Presbyterian pastor in Portland, Oregon, who has obviously embraced this conspiratorial fiction: ?Western European socialists and their American supporters want to dominate the world as much as militant Muslims want Islam to. Their vehicles are the United Nations, the European Union, and international institutions such as the International Court.?

This kind of fear mongering has not only been remarkably effective at galvanizing evangelicals around a very conservative political agenda but it also makes an evangelical voting for a Democratic candidate an unthinkable possibility as we approach the 2004 election.

So how should Christians who do not subscribe to either this very conspiratorial view of what has gone wrong or a very politically conservative advocacy seek to have a Christian influence in the complex world in which we live? [from this article at TheOoze]

Like I've Never Tasted...

[from the poem All I Want at Disarticulation]

I want to start fresh every
Day or minute or second
To stop comparing and preparing.
To be myself, undiluted (yet perpetually impacted) by my surroundings
not my remembered emotion
By my loves and not
Recalled fear.

To suffer and orgasm each time with raw fumbling inexperience
To cry like I've never tasted tears.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Over Again...

[noted by TheyBlinked]

Yom Kippur is about getting beyond all the crappiness we humans have managed to do to one another in the past year and starting again. It's not a free pass. You have to make right what you've made wrong. But, the relationship isn't symmetrical: You don't get to demand justice from those lousy bastards who treated you like dirt. You forgive them. And if you don't, you are now the lousy bastard....

We need leeway to live together. We need openness to build a world we can't predict. We need forgiveness so we can love one another or at least not beat each other to death with tree branches.

from this post

Stubbornness is sometimes faithfulness; sometimes not.

Friday, September 24, 2004

As president, Bush has always been outspoken about his faith, letting evangelicals know he shares their values and vision for America. But he has also been careful. Aware that he must appeal to the center to secure reelection, he employs double-coded signals that veil much of his religious message from outsiders. Biblical references, allusions to hymns, and specialized vocabulary are keys to this communication.

The president learned this art when he served as his father's liaison to the religious right in 1988, just after his born-again conversion. Well-connected staff introduced him to evangelical leaders and taught him to win their trust. "Signal early and signal often" was their motto. Unlike his Episcopalian father, the younger Bush took this advice to heart.
---from How Bush speaks in religious code by Ted Olsen

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


And the shadows prove,
Falling behind,
Tracing each move, oh,
When I do some wrong,
There is no hiding;
Shadows are long.

So we have to keep
A watch on our shadows--
Every move (Every move)
They secret make, yeah, yeah,
We try to be
So close to heaven, (Mmmm....)
But then our shadows,
Pull us away.
They pull away

--from Shadows by Amy Grant

i miss my old life. i miss my old love, but there comes a time when i need to learn to laugh and love again, play and breathe the fresh air. there comes a time when you need to free those past lives to dream their own dreams. i honestly have no real desire to say goodbye to that life, but i do have a desire to say hello to hope... and maybe even happiness.

one day at a time.
-- from Scott Williams in this post

But now you must listen to the things you own,
all that you've worked for these past years,
the murmur of property, of things in disrepair,
the moving parts about to come undone,
and twisting in the sheets remember all
the faces you could not bring yourself to love.

---at grrrlmeetsworld in this post

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

In Christianity Today's September '04 issue about same-sex marriage, it was interesting to see what books were advertised. I have some different suggestions:

The Homosexuality Debate: Faith Seeking Understandingfrom the back cover:

The homosexuality debate touches on the foundations of Christian faith: on the authority of scripture and how we interpret the Christian “story,” on the doctrines of creation, fall, redemption, and kingdom hope. It touches also on how we understand the relation between the faith and the context in which it is lived: the question of Christ and culture, church and world, and the relation between them.

Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Viewsfrom here at the publisher:

In this brief book, two New Testament scholars discuss the relevant biblical texts on the subject of homosexual behavior and orientation. Discussing both Old Testament and New Testament texts, each author also raises important interpretive and moral questions and then offers a response to the other’s main assertions.

God, Sex and Politics: Homosexuality and Everyday Theologiesfrom the Synopis at

God, Sex, and Politics examines both sides of the church controversy over homosexuality to consider the ways in which people develop, in everyday thought and interaction, their beliefs about God and justice.

Same-sex Marriage: A Christian Ethical Analysisfrom this description:

In dialogue with both legal scholars and theologians, Ellison examines the strengths and weaknesses of how marriage traditionalists, advocates of same-sex marriage, and LBGT (lesbian/bisexual/gay/transgender) critics of marriage analyze the issues and frame their arguments.

Monday, September 20, 2004

"Memory is better when you don't have to deal with the past." - from Before Sunset

Friday, September 17, 2004

[noted at to be a blessing]

For most of my life I have struggled with my own inability to put into action what I feel deep within me. I can watch a movie about some downtrodden, unfortunate soul and feel so deeply for them while I watch and then behave with complete selfishness the minute it ends -{for more}


Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land
For the coming of the outbound stage
Pacing the cage
Pacing the cage

[noted at The Eagle & Child in this post, originally by Bruce Cockburn]

Wind may come, wind may go
Where it blows noone knows
Chill the bone, fan the fire
Lead the soul to hearts desire

There's a voice in the wind that calls your name
If you listen you'll never be the same
There's a voice in the wind that points the way
Gently beckons to follow and obey

Spirit comes, spirit goes
Whence it comes noone knows
Giving life, making new
Filling hearts, calling you

{Voice in the Wind by Petra, on Beat the System}


[noted on IdeaJoy in this post]
A failure to lament is a failure to connect. If we refuse to learn the Davidic lamentation, our lives fragment into episodes and anecdotes, a succession of jerky starts and gossipy cul-de-sacs. But we're in a story in which everything eventually comes together, a narrative in which all the puzzling parts finally fit, about which years later we exclaim, "Oh so that's what that meant!" But being in a story means that we mustn't attempt to get ahead of the plot -- skip the hard parts, erase the painful parts, detour the disappointments. Lament -- making the most of our loss without getting bogged down in it -- is a primary way of staying in the story.
---from Leap Over a Wall : Earthy Spirituality for Everyday Christians by Eugene H. Peterson


[noted at jammin'...]

which has more power? when someone says "I forgive you"? or when someone says "I love you"? maybe they are part of the same thing...{from this post}

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

As Canadian Idol Resolves

[from the current Planet S]

Who knew Saskatoon had so much vitality lying under its surface? Theresa Sokyrka has acted like a lightening rod to focus the city's immense spirit and cultural enthusiasm. She's given the city a reason to feel good about itself. But at the same time, she's raised a disconcerting question: when Canadian Idol is over, what's going to fill the void?
---from the article Idol Curiosity: Why is Saskatoon Obsessed With Theresa Sokyrka? by Joanne Sitarski

Too Many Cracks Around...

Since Canadian Idol is Slowing Down...
So many people out there and adults...just need someone to give a damn about them, pay attention, listen to them, and give them guidance. There are way too many cracks around with people falling in. In my own very small way I'm trying to patch over a few of them.
-- from this post at An Audience of One

How To Recover

The only kinds of fights worth fighting are those you are going to lose, because somebody has to fight them and lose and lose and lose until someday, somebody who believes as you do wins. In order for somebody to win an important, major fight one hundred years hence, a lot of other people have got to be willing - for the sheer fun and joy of it - to go right ahead and fight, knowing you're going to lose. You mustn't feel like a martyr. You've got to enjoy it.

I. F. Stone [noted at The Invisible Sun]

This may be a life-long battle for me.

The difference is hope.

It may never go away. I might always have to fight, to cajole, to convince. I might have a monster living under my bed for the rest of my life.

But I am never, never giving up. I never want to go back to what it was. That is the most imporant thing in my life right now.

[noted on We Were Meant For Something More in this post]

Speaking of the Lord's Prayer

What Would Jesus Do With Bush? [from The Eagle & Child]

When Prayer Isn't Answered The Way You Want... [from *Thirdgrace*

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

[spoken by Renee Alston in this post]

i think that it has been the ability to be imperfect, the luxury of not having everything tidily wrapped up -- people gravitate towards someone who allows them their humanity.

i have been invited into so many people's stories, and i am so grateful for that.

Monday, September 13, 2004

The Disciples' Prayer

My targum of the Lord's Prayer(Matt. 5:,Lk. 11:2-4):

Creator above and beyond,
Your name can not be spoken!
We invite your rule,
We join your purpose,
Dwell in our home like Yours.

Offer provisions every day, forgiving our lack--
as we do this for others,
So help us overcome wrong by avoiding every trap,
For You alone possess the resources and the influence, no matter what.

[Humbly Acknowledged for Your sake, G-d Almighty, G-d Incarnate, Spirit of Christ.


Saturday, September 11, 2004

[from Been There...Still There]

When teaching our children values, do we encourage them to be martyrs or killers? When it comes right down to it, is there anything in between?

When You Crumble

[from this post by grrrlmeetsworld]

After that day I also realized that life is too short to allow yourself to be in disheartening situations without doing something to change your course.

[from Heart Of Canada in this post]

that day
we must never forget
they can never remember
that day

Friday, September 10, 2004


on the Understated album "Rise from the Ashes", from the song "Stone":

Hello, hello, welcome to a bright new sun shiny day/ You know how much I'd like to push these fears away, but I/ It's complicated an over-rated an I'm faithfully untrue/ an I hide away, I try to stay away from you/ Yes I do/

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Looking for me today?

I'll be at the Understated CD release party at Circle Drive Alliance Church tonight from 8 pm on...

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Name your reality. Tell your truth. Be honest.

[from a new life emerging]

I guess honesty is a form of self-acceptance. Perhaps dishonesty is a form of self-rejection. Being honest is not easy because sometimes we have told ourselves lies for so long that we forget ‘the truth." Some have learned that honesty means rejection.

We can help people have dignity by being a safe place for them to be honest about who they are and a place where they can tell their truth. I think this means that I first need to be comfortable and honest about who I am. If I am lying to you about myself, I doubt I will create a very safe place for you.

{the full post}

Sunday, September 05, 2004

On Labour Day, hunger and thirst to bear someone's burdens.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Friday, September 03, 2004

From the new issue of The Door Magazine:

QUESTION: Can you give us a guideline for how much work a president should be given to do?
- Dick

DR. DOBSON: There should be a healthy balance between work and play. Many world leaders of the past had daily chores that made life pretty difficult. Early in the morning and again after work they would draft legislation, meet with world leaders, debate public policy and go to boring summit meetings. Little time was left for fun, and world domination became a pretty drab experience. That was an extreme position, and I certainly don’t favor its return. Contrast that workaday responsibility with liberals today that require nothing of their world leaders. Both extremes, as usual, are harmful to world leadership. Giving him an exposure to responsibility and work, but preserving time for play and fun can help him find the logical middle ground. I know this is a difficult balancing act, which is why I hope my book Parenting Isn’t for Cowards will prove to be a valuable help here.

{from this article}

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Getting On Track...

[noted on Bruce's World]

The tricky thing about living with a mental illness is that if you start to lose the struggle and go under, it is easy to get lazy and lose track of what part is depression and what part is laziness. Instead of just sliding one must be extra vigilant and as St. Paul would say, struggle against the flesh.

{the full post here}

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

[a poem I wrote today, inspired by closing my eyes...]


...before the twilight of our dreams, before the dawn of sleep,
before the end of days so bright it stings behind our eyes
when shadows grow toward the light, when clouds eclipse the sun,
when blindness stuns us as we stare to glimpse a closer look
as though our answers came revealed, as though our questions fade,
as though the sparks that slowly dim could be a lucid glow;

while darkness drifts into our world, while time stirs almost still,
while moments for redemption become few and far away
although we turn to hide inside, although our focus shifts,
although the splendor we behold is easy to forget
where beams of night peer through the glare, where secrets are discerned,
where comfort thickens like a fog against another daze
until aware of nowhere else, until the rest is found,
until engaged in storms of calm without a clear escape;

since our reflections will not shine, since glory would deflect,
since just the specter rising up could make us disappear
while on the eve of harsh review, while at the crack of doom,
while mourning breaks the solemn contrast we adore so much
as though our search will be complete, as though the dusk has come,
as though a revolution has converted all to see
when new mirages come to pass, when shades of grey refract,
when optical illusions seems to strain our wary sight
before the tarnished beauty leaves, before this image holds,
before the bold discoveries that guide us to revere...