Reflections At Thirty

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"The Old Becoming New"

Turning thirty was a relief. The previous year overwhelmed me with inner turbulence, wasting considerable time. Seemingly endless, my attempts to control the situation were persistently frustrated. Moreover, my increased anxiety only intensified the problem. My difficult circumstances needed to ease to gain some perspective.

It didn't happen quickly or easily. As my thirtieth birthday approached, the pressure to resolve the outstanding problems only created more tension. Desiring a solution by then was appealing, though. Entering a new decade without old distractions would allow for a fresh and focused beginning. (That's the theory, anyway.) However, it became evident to me that this was too narrow, although the idea did encourage deeper inquiry.

What did my current circumstances mean? Would asking that question provoke the answer to appear? Whatever the answer was, it was obvious the answer was not present. Perhaps in time it will be partially or fully revealed. Perhaps in time the question will be less urgent. Regardless, some change was necessary. That piece of the puzzle was certain. The reason remains obscure.

The answer is still elusive; the question is still vivid. The tension has slightly loosened, and the difficulties have mildly eased. Yet this has been discovered on the way through thirty: let the old become new again!