Soak It In...

There are four schools of thought on the question of whether the theology of Spongebob is an accurate and helpful account of our lives.

The first school argues that all we really need to know is the broad outline of Spongebob’s story. According to this school, the truth of its claims, that is, that our lives are like the lives of Spongebob, Pat, and Squidward, and develop at the discretion of a great cartoonist, is confirmed at every moment we see our lives develop as a great cartoonist would develop them. Based on the credibility of Spongebob’s story to explain people’s lives, there is reason to believe the claims made that Spongebob himself actually bought burger fixings, and what’s more, when he was erased by unscrupulous computer animators, he was redrawn by the great free-hand cartoonist and walked among us again.

The second school argues that we do have confirmation of the story of Spongebob. For example, there are reliable reports that Spongebob Squarepants was seen buying hamburger buns and pickles at the Hollywood Fred Meyer store in Portland, Oregon, sometime in 2003. According to this school, it’s lucky that they have such evidence available, evidence that confirms the Spongebob story in the face of claims that our lives are like what happens in competing and equally plausible children’s television programming. So, for example, there was a serious challenge by several people who made the argument that our lives were like those in the cartoon of Jimmy Neutron and his friends and family. The basis for their argument was the greater realism afforded by computer graphics.

The third school proposes a skeptical argument that the whole theology of Spongebob rests on there being evidence that Spongebob and his buddies exist. According to this school, the evidence offered in support of the claims made about Spongebob’s appearance is not sufficient because it is second or third hand, and possibly created with a more sinister agenda in mind. Without evidence, according to this view, the story of Spongebob is no different than any other entertaining fiction. Without evidence, the story of Spongebob cannot give meaning to our lives or provide an account of salvation. In brief, if there is no historical Spongebob, there can be no Spongebob of faith.

The fourth school questions the account offered that Spongebob Squarepants actually bought burger buns and other picnic fixings at a supermarket in Portland Oregon, sometime a few years ago. Their argument is a matter of first questioning the idea that our lives could be anything like the seemingly fulfilling lives of cartoon characters in a make believe community at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. The suggestion depends on first adopting a view of reason as a matter of logic that makes life a matter of suffering. When there would be no reason to think life was suffering because we would reject the Socratic principles that made it so, it would then be unnecessary to grasp at the straws provided by a theology of Spongebob promising to make life worthwhile again. Again in brief, if there isn't a Spongebob of faith, there can't be an historical Spongebob either.

The four schools provide arguments for and against the theology of Spongebob as an account of our reality.

[via Touchy Subjects]