Defined By Inner Turmoil

Are we really surprised anymore by reports that religious leaders have been charged with sexual or financial misconduct? From the good old days of Jim and Tammy Faye to the ongoing scandals in the Roman Catholic Church, such shenanigans have become so commonplace that news about clerics who live by what they preach is actually far more startling.

And yet, the news of Ted Haggard being outed by a gay male prostitute did come as something of a surprise. That the pastor of a Colorado Springs megachurch, president of National Association of Evangelicals, friend of powerful politicians, and one of the leading voices against gay marriage in America might himself be gay, or at least bi-sexual, raises questions that most of us in the religious world would just as soon not deal with. With few exceptions, even mainline Protestant denominations have embraced the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policies of the American military....

No entity plays a bigger role in the current debates over sexuality than the religious community, and this not just a Christian issue. Our entire society’s sexual mores are influenced, if not determined, by sacred texts of all denominations, most of which appear to frown upon homosexuality. Our debates and our conversations seem to center around how we view and interpret these texts. And it’s far more than an academic exercise, because human lives are at stake.

Pastor Ted initially took the ill-fated Bill Clinton approach, denying the allegations and insisting that everything was just fine at home. But as the evidence against him mounted, he was forced to admit that maybe some of the accusations were true. What he found difficult to confront was his lifelong struggle with homosexual tendencies that he’d tried to suppress. I’ve read recently that at least a few of his friends had an inkling that something was amiss, but I’m sure the revelations came as a shock to everyone near him, particularly his family and his church.

I completely understand why Haggard chose to resist the urges that would be his undoing. He felt called by God to serve the church. Should he admit to what was going on inside, he would have to leave behind what he honestly considered his true vocation. Thus, he was a man of contradictions. Even as he campaigned against gay marriage and spoke out about the sinfulness of homosexuality, it’s been reported that he could also be welcoming and supportive to gays and lesbians. He was, essentially, defined by his inner turmoil, and his unsuccessful attempt to control that turmoil.

[via SoMA Review, emphasis mine, HT: Ponderings on a Faith Journey]

Related: Ted Haggard's Sin [via Ponderings on a Faith Journey]