[in a comment by VanSkaamper in this post]

Top 10 Changes to the Nativity Story that Would Have Made Hollywood Happy:

10. Annunciation delivered by 3 gorgeous “Yahweh’s Angels”.

9. Wise Men make gift of gold, frankincense, myrrh, and complete ‘Queer Magi’ makeover for Joseph.

8. Herod made more sympathetic and progressive character with change to Slaughter of UNWANTED Innocents.

7. “Immaculate” Hot tub love scene with Mary and Supreme Being.

6. Mary’s conflicted with pro’s and con’s of having newborn son circumcised on 8th day.

5. Nazareth made more urban: Joseph tags fiance’s home, Mary raps Magnificat.

4. Shepherds played by Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger.

3. Paris Hilton given major role as Joseph’s jealous, bunny boiling stalker.

2. Roman soldiers interrogating Joseph and Mary at Bethlehem city limits played by Cheech and Chong.

1. Every time Lord’s name taken in vain, sinner vaporized by death rays emitted from baby Jesus’ eyes.