Sabotaged, Yet Redeemable

Remember these people this Valentine's:

I do this thing. I know I do it. I don't necessarily see it at the time of doing it but when it is all said and done and I finally see what I have done and I have to go back and fix it. I sabotage relationships. Some more than others, some less. It really depends on who you are and what you mean to me. The relationships I try to sabotage are the ones that most likely mean the most to me. I feel myself getting close to someone, panic, and push them away because God forbid I let someone get close to me and see me for the mess that I am. Some people see this action of mine right away and they call me on it....

I guess it is like a having a friend for a drug addict. When they are seeking the high or they are high themselves, they are consumed by an demon. They are not the person who you know and have come to love. They mask who they are in a drug high to escape the reality of what is truly their world. I have had friends who are addicts and beat their addiction. It was harder than any fight they have had to endure. They only did with love and support from the very people they hurt along the way....

This is an open apology to all I have hurt. I am so sorry for whatever I put you through. Thanks for remaining by my side when all I did was try to push you away.

[via meh.]