Gestating Hope

Tell me, what is hope to you? I've been reflecting on this for a year and a half, and yesterday it occurred to me that while I have understood hope from a theological perspective, I have not practiced it as a way of life.....We were all wishing for hope, none of us having much.

For me, hope is about taking real risks, something I’ve rarely done. Trying to gestate triplets was a real risk, and I handled it with despair and panic. I hedged my bets all along, saying, “If the babies are born…” or “I just have a bad sense about this whole thing…” I had a cloud of fatalism and doom hanging over me every day. When I cried, it was often about myself and my lack of control. “I’m not good at this!” “I can’t do this!”

I normally only get myself into situations in which my excellent performance is a high likelihood. I have taken what, in other peoples’ eyes, seem to be significant risks, but they weren’t for me.

[via The Paris Project]